DIRECTORY

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MALL DIRECTORY 1 → Mattress King YOU ARE HERE. Wakey wakey, get off the merchandise. Most folks end up testing out our wide selection of mattresses, frames, and memory foam pillows at some point. They’re just too comfy to resist! Please speak to a salesperson to make your purchase or GET OUT! Frequently Stocked Items: Mattresses, bed frames, pillows, bedding, headboards, mattress pads 2 → Food Court Whatever you're craving, you'll find it here! Everything from greasy, grey, imitation meat to greasy, grey, imitation vegetables! All made with various sauces and spices to cover up that cardboard-like texture. Wait, was this always a Taco Bell? I wanted a burger! Menu Options: Pizza, burgers, Mexican, Greek, subs, Chinese food, various other 3 → Wilhelm’s A classy department store for classy people. Willhelm’s offers only the finest in designer clothes, scents, jewelry, home furnishings, and really fancy, useless stuff that you don’t actually need but will pay a lot of money for to try and inject value to your meaningless life. Don’t forget to stop by the makeup counter on the second floor for your complimentary gift! Frequently Stocked Items: Jewelry and accessories, perfume, makeup, women's designer clothing, men's designer clothing, outerwear, living room furniture, high end bedroom furniture, dinnerware, small kitchen appliances, drapery, patio furniture, very expensive stuff 4 → Toys 4 Me A teddy bear for every boy, a lawn dart set for every girl! Aisles and aisles of toys as far as the eye can see, and some of those toys have eyes seeing right back at you. Doesn't this place give you the creeps? Frequently Stocked Items: video games, consoles, hula hoops, teddy bears, plush toys, Barbies, fashion dolls, dress up costumes, plastic play homes for children, balls, sports equipment, bicycles, skooters, children's books, activity books, colouring books, crayons, art supplies, basically every toy 5 → Homethings Offering only the most diverse and eclectic furniture and home accents on the market, Homethings is where you want to go to furnish your life. You know you've always wanted a clever coffee table in the shape of a yin yang. How about a comfy couch with an ironic fish pattern all over it? We also carry kitchen appliances and accessories. Express your quirky side. Frequently Stocked Items: Couches, chairs, dining tables, end tables, chaise lounges, statues of dogs, useless metal things to stick in your lawn, glass beads to put into a bowl so it can sit on a table in the hallway, wooden trays to hold keys and papers and useless shit, wind chimes, lamps, chandeliers, carpets, uncomfortable throw pillows, ugly blankets to cover up the stains on your couch, fake flowers 6 → Stereo Hut Your one stop shop for all things electronic. They’ve got blenders. They’ve got coffee makers. They’ve got toasters named Jenny! If you need cables, wires, circuit boards, motherboards, fatherboards, or babyboards, this is the store for you! Frequently Stocked Items: Radios, home audio systems, speakers, headphones, mp3 players, smart phones, memory sticks, laptops, desktop computers, big screen TVs, keyboards, mice, high-tech gadgets, megaphones, headsets 7 → Book, Line, and Sinker Bookstore selling handy how-to books, fiction in exotic languages, curious tomes, anything on Oprah’s must read list, and ancient manuscripts. Don’t believe everything you read. Frequently Stocked Items: ... Books. Also; Stationery supplies, bookmarks, magazines, weird ancient relics 8 → A Cut Above Barber shop/hair salon. Also sells hair products and styling tools. This place certainly has quite a few pairs of scissors. Frequently Stocked Items: Shampoo, conditioner, hair dye, hair dryers, straighteners, hair oil, curl enhancer, headbands, elastics, styling scissors, combs, brushes, clips 9 → McCandy’s Candy store specializing in strange and exotic treats. Wasabi candy, glazed fish eyes, and even brightly-coloured lollipops with an insect center! Any kind of candy you can imagine is sold here. Even if your imagination is less than appetizing... Frequently Stocked Items: ANY CANDY IMAGINABLE. Plus a fridge at the front for cold drinks and a freezer at the back for frozen treats. 10 → 8-Ball Records Digital music? What the hell is that? At 8-ball we have records, tapes, CDs, walkmans, boom boxes, stereos, and even a victrola out back. Our music selection is the widest in the mall. In the mood for some Venuzean-druidic folk music? We’ve got you covered. Just ignore those rumors of strange static coming from the in-store sound system at night. Sometimes you just can’t get a signal... 11 → Carrington Cards Providing a wide selection of cards, stationery, and gifts. We have the delicate, sensitive words to express the appropriate sentiments for any situation, all conveniently printed onto small pieces of stiff, folded paper! Wow! Be sure to check out our brand new section featuring over 30 different ways to say; ‘Sorry you’ve been trapped inside a mall’. Frequently Stocked Items: Cards for every occasion, ornaments, journals, notebooks, fancy pens, special markers, glitter, stickers, ribbons, wrapping paper, gift bags, baubles, gift boxes, tinsel, talking stuffed animals with recordable messages 12 → Nexell Pharmacy Carrying anything you need to stay healthy and feel better. Bandages, antibiotics, cough syrup, pills, you name it, we have it. Our customer service is Nexellent. Prescription pick up closes at 6pm. Frequently Stocked Items: Prescription and over the counter medications, ointments, sunscreen, skin cream, diapers, pads, tampons, condoms, canes, walkers, wrist braces, back braces, icyhot patches, junk food, vitamins, supplements, cough syrup, lozenges, old people candy, diabetic candy, inhalers, orthopedic inserts, everything you need for that embarrassing infection 13 → Off the Hook Sells mobile phones, phone accessories, batteries, chargers, land lines. All cell phones bought from this store are connected to a mall-wide calling plan. Long distance charges may apply... if you can get a signal out that far. Frequently Stocked Items: Smartphones, rotary phones, phone booths, batteries, chargers, headsets, car adapters, clunky-ass cellphones from 1995, phone cases, phone charms, tablets, tablet pens, Styrofoam cups with a string attached 14 → Gretchen’s Closet Feeling pretty? Well you’re not pretty enough! Walk walk fashion baby your butt over to Gretchen’s Closet where we can turn that faux pas into an ‘oh mah gah’. Ladies fashions for everyone. Just how fab do you wanna feel? Frequently Stocked Items: SHOES, shoes, shoes, ohmygodshoes, dresses, runway fashion, accessories, bags, revealing outfits, sequins by the pound, swimsuits, skirts, pants, tops, intimates, hats, fashion montages 15 → Sherwood Florist Located right next to Carrington cards. Offering many different floral arrangements, potted plants, exotic hybrids, and enticing blooms. What are you talking about? There’s nothing strange going on in the back room. Those are the sounds of happy plants! Frequently Stocked Items: Fresh cut flowers, hanging baskets, planters, shrubs, trees, vines, trellises, plant food, pots, rolling papers, gardening tools, garden ornaments, bird baths, floral arrangements 16 → We’ve Got Sole! Do you have feet? Wonderful! Do you want things to put on those feet? Of course you do. We have shoes for all occasions! Heels, boots, flats, sneakers, sandals, you name it, we’ve got it! Buy one, get one full price! So many deals here. We’ll even take your old shoes and... dispose of them. Free of charge. Frequently Stocked Items: We have more shoes than Gretchen's closet. 17 → Petcurean Exotics Awwwwh, what a cute little-- OH GOD WHAT IS IT?! If you're considering getting a pet from this little shop of horrors, you should definitely think twice about all that responsibility. You have to feed it, walk it, clean up after it, and occasionally sacrifice innocent souls to appease the little munchkin. Luckily, Petcurean has most of those much-needed supplies in stock. If you're better off taking care of a pet rock, don't worry! They've got those, too! Frequently Stocked Items: PETS! Pet food, pet accessories, pet beds, pet grooming, books on pet care, toys, treats, bird stuff, fish stuff, reptile stuff, small animal stuff, baby food, pet clothing, leashes, collars, harnesses, tiny dog boots, canned food, raw food, supplements, vitamins, flea medication, tie out cables 18 → Wax A Million You can never have enough candles. No, really. You can’t. We have over 1000 different scents and you need ALL of them. And the shapes! Don’t forget the different shapes. Oh, and the colours! You need these candles. You need so many candles. Candles and lighters! And incense. You need these. Buy our candles. BUY THEM! Frequently Stocked Items: CANDLES CANDLES CANDLES, incense, scented oils, candle holders, matches, lighters, fire, burn your house down, burn them all 19 → Optimum Optical If you’re reading this without squinting, you probably don’t need to be there. For those of you that can’t read this, we hope you somehow end up here to get a pair of glasses before you walk right off the second floor. Contacts, prescription lenses, designer frames; we’re here to help. See you soon. Frequently Stocked Items: Glasses, contacts, glasses cases, lens cleaning solution, sunglasses, eye drops, repairs 20 → Hines Hardware Real men don’t need tools. Real men shape metal, stone, and wood with their bare hands! Real men eat nails for breakfast, chew them up, and spit them into the thing they are building! But everything is just so much easier with the right tools, don’t you think? At Hine’s Hardware, we like to do things the easy way. Yardwork, construction, home improvement; whatever your project is, we’ve got you covered. Frequently Stocked Items: Power tools, regular tools, nails, screws, wood, sheet metal, wall anchors, lighting fixtures, rubber gloves, hoses, rakes, pitchforks, axes, chainsaws, dry wall, garbage bags, dish detergent, liquid soap, paint, spray paint, house paint, drill bits, tool boxes, rubber boots, overalls, those ugly fishing hats